I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
