he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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