Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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