Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
as a side note pls kill me
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
