how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
