Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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