..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
