I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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