How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize