i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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