Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
