I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
