I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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