my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize