I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
