You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize