i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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