did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
