Hey man sorry I got all grabby
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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