obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize