yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
