oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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