So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
