whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
