question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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