hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
