It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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