he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
