Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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