Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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