I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
