I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I pour the whiskey from now on
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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