Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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