College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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