So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
