My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize