Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
