It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
