As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
