He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
