u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
