i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
