Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
