He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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