Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
