you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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