Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
