That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
