I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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