Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
