she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
