i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
