he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
