I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
