We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Randomize
