even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
