She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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