It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize