Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
