Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
