chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
