i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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