that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
