So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Randomize