i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just forgot I was standing up.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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