I heard we made out
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
