So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
