Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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