Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
