he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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