I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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