Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
