next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
