called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
