sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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