i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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