Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
