He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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