The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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