You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
