It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize