dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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