things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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