Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
