If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
