that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
