yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Randomize
