Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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