thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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