Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
