Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
