She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
