I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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