Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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