I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
