I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
