It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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