Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
