I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
All I want is dick and wine.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize