A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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