come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
