I can tuck mytits in my pants
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
