Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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