my phone needs a breathalizer
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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