i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i was born a porn star she said
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
