i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
