My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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