No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
