the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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