Screwed.edu
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
40s are totally the cure
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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